Do you ever wonder if you are you settling for way less than you deserve? Or do you know it in your bones but cant bring yourself to admit it?
I have a friend and bless his heart for all intents and purposes he is a good guy but when it comes to dating women he has the tendency to take advantage of a good thing when he’s got it. Seeing things from his side of the fence has opened my eyes to how much women will put up with when they don’t realize they deserve and can have so much better in a partner.
When I see the women he dates collectively I see a common theme; They are so insecure and so they think he is the best they will get and in turn they put up with his less than stellar bs over and over again.
Let me be clear for his sake, he is a Great person, just boyfriend wise he has some stepping up to do.
Do you know what I see in these women? I see my self, my old self. My self that would make excuses and exceptions. My self that was living in my head and believing in the awful things people had said to me over the years about what I did and did not deserve. My beliefs I created from what I saw in the world around me.
On the flip side what I see in him is a very insecure guy with a big heart who is afraid to love and so he finds his strength in the weakness of others. It works both ways and two insecure people is a recipe for disaster but inevitably it is usually the recipe that is mixed up the most since like attracts like. It is hard for a very insecure person to be with someone who is really secure and vice versa.
Conversely, having insecurities does not always mean we date assholes or men who are emotionally or physically unavailable. Your insecurities may have you dating the best guy on earth, but whom you are lacking a real intimate, spiritual or intellectual connection with. So many people stay with someone they feel comfortable with because they fear, again, that they can do no better and that this is the best there is.
Here’s the good news ladies.
The strong, capable, deserving, whole, healed, loving being you are is not who is dating these men.
Your insecure ego that keeps telling you that you are not enough, that you wont find better, that he can change, that you deserve this and only this, that he needs you, that there is worse out there , that there is no better out there, that you can’t possibly dream bigger because fairy tales are a hoax- that is who is dating these men and that is not real.
If you want real, true, lasting love you will not find it from a place of insecurity.
You have to get real with yourself. You have to ask. “Who am I?” and define your values and dedicate your life to them. You have to dig into those limiting beliefs that have been bestowed upon you and you have to uproot them and change them.
You have to get secure in exactly who you are as you are right now and let go of anything that is not your truest, most authentic self.
It seems scary, you will have to let people go. You will find yourself attracted to a completely different type of man, one who honours, values and respects you because that is what you deserve and that alone can be scary. It is unfamiliar, out of your comfort zone. But it is where the magic is. There is no magic and excitement in settling for people who treat you like shit just to appease their own insecurities, which in turn only fuel yours.
If you have been afraid to dream bigger, to want more, to upgrade then now is the time!
You deserve it, I promise xo
Sounds like you learned a lesson from this guy, when will he learn?