The best thing you can do for yourself and your love life is to become certain of who you are and what you want.
I have a client who is dating a guy whom she wishes would commit but he has made it clear that [right now] he is not ready to choose just her. He has been open and honest about where he stands, and she respects that.
But, there is still a part of her that is hanging on because deep down she hopes that some day, he will choose her.
I know this because I have been there, and because she said so. I am sure if you are reading this you probably are reading pieces of yourself in this story too.
Here’s something good to know. We decide what we want, we feel it in our heart, we know it when we get it. But the second that it comes into question, the moment that the person we think we want this with no longer wants it, we doubt ourselves. We doubt our desires. We start to think we can shift, adjust, adapt to a new way of thinking and being. And while I truly believe that evolving and being open minded to new ways of thinking and being are crucial in our entire existence, I also know that our principles and values are what drive us and if we constantly flucate on them or change them simply because someone else wants something different than us, then we lose our foundation all together. We lose our creditiblity and not just for others to belive in us, but for believing in ourselves.
How can we ever get what we want when we are constantly doubting that we can have it? How can we ever secure the relationship we truly desire if we are willing to compromise all of our values all of the time?
People crave structure, they crave confidence and balance. Because we live in a world where so much of that is a miss when someone is certain of themselves and what they want it is attractive and not just in the “ I want to have sex with you” kind of way. But in the I want to know you, be around you, learn from you and build with you sort of way.
Even if you think your desires are a little astronomical, if they feel right to you, if you feel certain about what you want, need and desire then don’t waiver on them.
Don’t get into an open relationship just because you see some people being successful at it.
It would be like quitting your job to be a singer when you have stage fright, tone deafness & NO desire to ever be famous. I mean for some people they can make this type of relationship work.
For some people, they can do poloygmoy or poloyamoury. Some people are happy with open relationships and then there are some who truly value monogamy and exclusivity.
And all of that is okay.
Do not compromise your values because one person, whom you [falsely] happen to think is irreplaceable doesn’t want to commit.
There are far better things out there if this one isn’t fitting right.
Do not lower your standards. Keep the bar high and the people who desire and deserve to be in your life will certainly already be at that bar when you meet them, or they will rise up to meet you where you are at.
Believe in yourself. Believe in your worth.
Know your values and what you truly want, this is the foundation of a healthy relationship with any other human and most importantly the relationship with your self.
If you are still a little unsure and want to be rooted in your desires then grab my Man-ifesto workbook here to get more clear :