For most of my life, living felt like a huge struggle to me, a burden really. It felt like at every single corner I turned there was something there, holding me back, stopping me, derailing me.
I largely, very very largely, felt as if the whole world was against me. I felt like this in my home, I felt like this out in traffic, I felt like this in the grocery store. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I simply felt like I could just not win,
Have you ever heard someone mutter that phrase? I just can’t win?
Up until I discovered that my life was very much governed by my own internal decisions, I never noticed how self defeating and discouraging this phrase was. And oh there are SO many others that go with it that perpetuate a cycle that does not ever see or support one actually “winning”. Whatever that means anyways,
BUT for me,
Winning, getting ahead, making it in this life etc…
Simply means that I actually want to be here, that I enjoy being here, that I live a life that feels easy not because there are no challenges or adversity, but because I am well equipped, knowledged, and so centered within my self that no matter what happens in the world around me, I am stable, calm, at peace and most importantly LOVING life and ME.
Recently I was journaling on something in particular being easy for me, and I felt the constriction of doubt knocking on my body. So I inquired within about it and I noticed that somewhere deep inside my psyche there was still a little part of me that held on to the belief that it could not only NOT be easy but that – easy left little room for – doing. Meaning that if things are easy, then what is there to worry over, what is there to prove? What is there to DO? If this thing got to be so easy, then where would the purpose and meaning of life actually be?
And it was so good that this little hidden sabotageur presented itself for me to see, so that I could acknowledge it and then reframe what life NOT being easy means, so that I would not unconsciously go ahead and make the very thing I choose to be easy for me become a challenge or struggle that I consciously DO not want, but somehow still held some kind of value onto.
There is this little thing (thats actually a big thing) that is sometimes called – secondary gain, otherwise known as an unconscious value that we unknowingly – until we choose awareness and inquire within – place on certain things in our life that once served a subjectively important purpose that can hang on and cause all kinds of resistance and sabotage in our lives if we do not choose to become aware of them. These values look like – saying yes when we want to say NO, because at some point that acquiesce was a method of keeping us safe, or not allowing for much money in the bank or much love into our hearts, because at one time it was all taken away and so to avoid ever feeling that pain and loss again our precious unconscious mind does what it does best and repeats old patterns to keep us safe from the things we fear the most.
While fear is necessary in times of actual physical danger, it has very very little place in making choices and decisions about how you NOW choose to live & BE in your life.
So I want to ask you, with this knowledge, is there anything you want now, that you do not have, that an old outdated belief, story, or fear may be anchored in place holding you back from?
Can you find the value or gain from NOT having or doing or BEing the thing even though consciously and SOULFully you WANT it deeply?
When you integrate the many layers of your physical and spiritual existence and work with your innate desires while being aware of self imposed (not necessarily by choice or awareness ) physiological & psychological barriers – you unlock the door to your Souls freedom.