The Sweet & Sour of Expiration Dating

3 months into a 6 month capped stay in the South I met, who I will attest to be, one of the most amazing men I have ever known.

I had no intention of dating anyone as I was on a bit of a love recovery mission. It turns out, he was very much an instrumental part of the journey.

I truly belive we cherished eachother and each moment a little bit more because we knew, for certain that our forever was only months away from ending.

We often questioned whether or not our relationship fared so well because we knew it eventually had to end. Regardless, we enjoyed every moment to the fullest. Because that is who we are and because this is what we were given.

When there is no expectations, no questions of where is this going, what’s next, how will this turn out, commit to me kind of talk, you feel more free to just be your self.

Even if we choose to go with the flow, to let things unfold as they are meant to, nothing is ever guaranteed. Whether it lasts or it doesn’t is a personal decision and a divine one too. We can’t change destiny. We cannot force change.

Every moment is not guaranteed in this life. We could all learn from these experiences by loving like it’s the first, and last time.

Most of our time together was spent without question or hesitation. But looming was always the inevitable truth that sooner than later we had to part.

Everything has its  paradox, this was no different.

So sweet, yet so sour.

The sweetness was always living in the moment.
Never taking one second for granted.
Not over thinking, but always being thoughtful.
Having someone be completely committed to your relationship, to not hurrying or worrying about what tomorrow brings.
Being completely caught up with each other and not having eyes nor thoughts of someone else.
The sweetness was in the moments that brought pure bliss as we explored each other to the depths of our intelligence and then always a little further.
As we dug deep into emotional memories buried in cells, feeling safe to share our truths knowing that no matter what happened we were ending anyways so why not lay it all bare.
Being carefree and wild. Running naked into a full moonlit sea, not caring where sand ended up and time standing still for us.
Baring our hearts knowing even if it scared the other away, it was bound to end anyways. (This is kinda sour too)
Walking away with a heart full of promise and magic, knowing that this exists.

The sour was wishing it would never end and Wondering why it had to.
Wishing that one or the other would find a way to make it work.
That one would say stay while the other would say I wont go.
The sour was in the moments when it didn’t make any sense to leave, didn’t make any sense for it to end and yet still, moving forward toward the fateful day when for the rest of time, nothing would be the same.
The driving away knowing it may be the last time and that everything you had for 90 days/12 weeks/3 months will suddenly go away.
Finding a new normal, in an old place.
That there may never be anyone again who ever comes close to matching what you had here, but knowing you must trust that if this is happening then it must be for some cosmic purpose you cannot see yet.
The sour is the moments when you start to question everything, why am I doing this?
Is this what I want?
Am I lowering my standards?
Am I simply just repeating old patterns with new faces?
Is this the same as dating an unavailable man since technically once I leave here he’s no longer available to me?
The sour was knowing that God delivered the perfect human to inspire a belief in me I never imagined possible, and then not letting me keep that human til the end of time.

Whether we are dating forever or just for right now What this experience has taught me is that we cannot always control the outcome and so we should always live in the sweetness of knowing that at any moment it could all be gone. Cherish it while it’s here it’s here knowing this moment is the best it could possibly be.

Bare your heart.
Don’t hold back.
Run naked into moonlit seas, flow with the waves and move with the breeze nothing and everything lasts for eternity

Don’t Lower the Bar for Someone Who Isn’t Willing to Rise Up

The best thing you can do for yourself and your love life is to become certain of who you are and what you want.

I have a client who is dating a guy whom she wishes would commit but he has made it clear that [right now] he is not ready to choose just her. He has been open and honest about where he stands, and she respects that.

But, there is still a part of her that is hanging on because deep down she hopes that some day, he will choose her.

I know this because I have been there, and because she said so. I am sure if you are reading this you probably are reading pieces of yourself in this story too.

Here’s something good to know. We decide what we want, we feel it in our heart, we know it when we get it. But the second that it comes into question, the moment that the person we think we want this with no longer wants it,  we doubt ourselves. We doubt our desires. We start to think we can shift, adjust, adapt to a new way of thinking and being. And while I truly believe that evolving and being open minded to new ways of thinking and being are crucial in our entire existence, I also know that our principles and values are what drive us and if we constantly flucate on them or change them simply because someone else wants something different than us, then we lose our foundation all together. We lose our creditiblity and not just for others to belive in us, but for believing in ourselves.

How can we ever get what we want when we are constantly doubting that we can have it? How can we ever secure the relationship we truly desire if we are willing to compromise all of our values all of the time?

We can’t.

People crave structure, they crave confidence and balance. Because we live in a world where so much of that is a miss when someone is certain of themselves and what they want it is attractive and not just in the “ I want to have sex with you” kind of way. But in the I want to know you, be around you, learn from you and build with you sort of way.

Even if you think your desires are a little astronomical, if they feel right to you, if you feel certain about what you want, need and desire then don’t waiver on them.

Don’t get into an open relationship just because you see some people being successful at it.

It would be like quitting your job to be a singer when you have stage fright, tone deafness & NO desire to ever be famous. I mean for some people they can make this type of relationship work.

For some people, they can do poloygmoy or poloyamoury. Some people are happy with open relationships and then there are some who truly value monogamy and exclusivity.

And all of that is okay.

Do not compromise your values because one person, whom you [falsely] happen to think is irreplaceable doesn’t want to commit.

There are far better things out there if this one isn’t fitting right.

Do not lower your standards. Keep the bar high and the people who desire and deserve to be in your life will certainly already be at that bar when you meet them, or they will rise up to meet you where you are at.

Believe in yourself. Believe in your worth.

Know your values and what you truly want, this is the foundation of a healthy relationship with any other human and most importantly the relationship with your self.

If you are still a little unsure and want to be rooted in your desires then grab my Man-ifesto workbook here to get more clear :